Archive for the 'Things' Category

A Meditation on Streaming Video

December 6, 2007

All across the dark and endless internet, all the live long day, experiencing nearly no cause for hair pulling or tooth gnashing or hand wringing I find myself able to view with my eyes & perceive with my ears a variety of high quality streaming video & audio offered by websites named: The Onion, Google Video, Odeo, YouTube, Myspace, Purevolume, and CNN. (dot com)

It would appear, however, that not all streaming video players are quite as well prepared for prime time as the big names like YouTube are. NBC.COM for example, and ABC.COM. Both fall into this unfortunate latter category. Factors such as: “Irresponsibly Constant Freezing Up of Video“, and also “Mysteriously, The Advertisements Always Play Just Perfectly Goddamn Well But the Godforsaken Show Never Goes More Than 3 Seconds Without Freezing Up” are of real concern on this end of the spectrum.

On one occasion I spent 19 hours watching a single episode of 30 Rock on without ever making it past the opening sequence at the hot dog cart where the guy cuts in line and Tina Fey freezes with a weird annoyed look on her face and just stands there for hours without moving. Eventually I realized. She wasn’t standing there performing the strangest television premiere ever aired! The streaming video had frozen up. I then became despondent.

ABC.COM’s streaming video player offers free intoxicating hit shows like Lost and Ugly Betty! It’s a great idea! But they forgot to make it work right, as in, work at all. Instead they implemented a system of stuttering, hanging, skipping and freezing. Your head will spin. But it won’t be due to being drunk off hit shows like you wish it would be. It will be due to a filthy sour cocktail of frustration, sadness, apathy & blackest remorse served up by the American Brodasting Company….

Oh, wait. Nevermind. It’s working now.



Raising a Family on Zazzle

March 22, 2007


I Drink the Wet – Mug

I Drink the Wet - Mug


What do you say? Does a line of Tote Bags, Shirts, Postage Stamps, (If nothing else at least look at that one. The idea of it arriving on an envelope is almost too much funny to handle.) and more, featuring the above illustration and other how to ‘use the wets’ seem as if it could catch on and generate enough income to help provide home repairs to economically depressed neighborhoods?

I’m serious. Twitter, will you validate my serious nature please? “Yes. Indeed I will.”

Zazzle pays the seller 7 to 17 percent of each sale. Average price of a small item being around 20 dollars. Are you making a mint on Zazzle somehow?

Discuss, advise. Thank you.


Congratulations Earth, You Twitter Killers!

March 19, 2007

UPDATE: 8:09pm Eastern. – Nevermind.. it’s back. 😉

Next, the News:

Twitter is down. Twittervision, at the mercy of twitter, also down, but providing a very lovely eulogy: has been experiencing server capacity problems this week due to very rapid growth.
We are sure the folks at Obvious are working to remedy the situation, but in the meantime, please be patient while waiting for posts on Twittervision.

We can’t display them if they cannot be posted to Twitter.

So, sit back and enjoy the show! Posts will be shown whenever they are available!

First, an Ode to Twitter:

Sad. How young and fair wert thou sweet Twitter. So fair and so sweet and so young and strange. So vibrant and plump. We all needed you! We had to have you. We were mad with desire for your sweet vibrant young fair strange plump.

Thus we jumped en-mass as collective earth and hive mind extolled your virtues and the cynics cynicized your worth.

Third, Communal Grief and Bonding:

Let us join hands… wait.. are you even there? are you reading this? How will you know I wrote this if I can’t twitter that I’m writing it.

No matter. I will trust that you are still there. I have seen your tweets all over the globe. And it has been beautiful. Though we are now veiled from each other yet do I feel we are together still in truth.

We must believe, for Twitter, like Tinkerbell, is healed by devotion.

To Twitter! To Life! To Birth and Hope!

In your name I ask us all,

“What are you doing?”

The Sound of Muscles Woke Me Up

September 24, 2006

Last night I awoke to the sound of muscles. It was the Utata Bug again. It looked just like it does above, only not in a field. It was right in my room. Posing. Standing next to my chair. Looking at me while I slept. Making muscle sounds. I had no idea what to do. I closed my eyes. Then opened them.

Still there. Still posing and flexing. And grinning. I reached under my pillow and quietly unsnapped the snap on the sheath of the hunting knife that sleeps under my pillow. Read the rest of this entry »