Archive for the 'MySpace' Category

A Meditation on Streaming Video

December 6, 2007

All across the dark and endless internet, all the live long day, experiencing nearly no cause for hair pulling or tooth gnashing or hand wringing I find myself able to view with my eyes & perceive with my ears a variety of high quality streaming video & audio offered by websites named: The Onion, Google Video, Odeo, YouTube, Myspace, Purevolume, and CNN. (dot com)

It would appear, however, that not all streaming video players are quite as well prepared for prime time as the big names like YouTube are. NBC.COM for example, and ABC.COM. Both fall into this unfortunate latter category. Factors such as: “Irresponsibly Constant Freezing Up of Video“, and also “Mysteriously, The Advertisements Always Play Just Perfectly Goddamn Well But the Godforsaken Show Never Goes More Than 3 Seconds Without Freezing Up” are of real concern on this end of the spectrum.

On one occasion I spent 19 hours watching a single episode of 30 Rock on without ever making it past the opening sequence at the hot dog cart where the guy cuts in line and Tina Fey freezes with a weird annoyed look on her face and just stands there for hours without moving. Eventually I realized. She wasn’t standing there performing the strangest television premiere ever aired! The streaming video had frozen up. I then became despondent.

ABC.COM’s streaming video player offers free intoxicating hit shows like Lost and Ugly Betty! It’s a great idea! But they forgot to make it work right, as in, work at all. Instead they implemented a system of stuttering, hanging, skipping and freezing. Your head will spin. But it won’t be due to being drunk off hit shows like you wish it would be. It will be due to a filthy sour cocktail of frustration, sadness, apathy & blackest remorse served up by the American Brodasting Company….

Oh, wait. Nevermind. It’s working now.



Best Friends, Music and Fruit Flies

September 18, 2006

An open letter to: Nate from Ferocious Aquatic Tarantula,

AHA ! Hey man!! How are you!?? sweet sweet Nate… I miss you bad in my heart. How are things?! I’ll be very very excited to hear this rock we made. You’re not lame. Sometimes it takes a long time to get things in the mail. That’s normal. You aren’t lame at all. You’re man sexy.

I’m super full of intrigue about the stuff we did when we were making the actual album of all the F.A.T. songs. I don’t know why I never got to hear it. And yea, like you say, there is the forgetting factor. For sure. It hasn’t been that long but I bet I’ll be surprised to hear some of the tunes. The one u put up on the nate hobson music page was like that for me. For a second i felt like, “what the fuck? when…is…this us?” and then it hits you! “OH! Oh hell yea it is! We’re so awesome.”

Anyway, send it out man. Word is born.

In other news Read the rest of this entry »

Myspace Has Been Great All Week

July 29, 2006

Myspace has been a piece of shit all week


Myspace has been a piece of shit all week

July 29 2006Internet, USA, Earth, Galaxy – It is being reported that all week long popular stalking site has been having technical difficulties due to things like being a piece of shit. Early this week there were reports from news outlets across the galaxy that the difficulties were due, first to power outages occurring in the meaningless country of California where Myspace headquarters are rumored to reside, and secondly to the merry migration of databases from server to server all around the Rupert Murdoch owned company’s space age tree-house in small vinyl pouches during lunch. However, this evening statements are being released to the media from a mole in the tubes of the internet that appear to contradict both prior claims. Indications from the source at this hour imply that the difficulty experienced this week by users of the popular erotic website are attributable to it being a piece of shit.

Users of the site this week have found themselves unable to successfully upload images, sign in, log out, edit profiles, view profiles, make comments, delete spam, send spam, friend request strangers, flame the bulletin board, change display names, reorganize their top friends, or listen to Black Armbands by Color Tv. Meanwhile users with artist accounts like Bloc Party have been stymied at every attempt to upload new songs they’ve written or pictures of themselves and their guitars taken in the bathroom mirror or with the timer on their camera in the basement.

At press time Myspace was unavailable for comment and had not returned our calls. It is believed by some to be busy painting it’s one giant toenail black and sitting in the broom closet with a bottle of Jack Daniels. But no one’s really entirely sure.

My AM Will Beat Up Your ASSface & Hump You

April 8, 2006


Good Morning To The Picture Perfect 9.

Now speaking of radio; I heard a thing saying at some point coming up, FM will move off to a new hi-definition bandwidth, AM will be reclassified up to equal current FM sound quality, and the current AM frequencies…?? I wonder… I dunno. Can't remember. Maybe never knew. Odds are they'll be turned over to the fire departments for a new emergency band, or something else utterly gay, probably.

Hmmm…No, wait a sec. I think I may be getting my stories mixed up actually.

But anyhow stay with me! Cuz speaking of A.M., wouldn't it be Supergayhot!awesome totally! as if by magic – if they'd open them old ol'timey A.M.'s up nationwide upon our shining democracy and grant easy access of the airwaves to the general public which might, in part, among other things, help these local blank-stare communities with no goddamn culture to speak of develop some scraps of a meager one and smear them around? A little spark of life might flare up. Lets see that private individuals are 'on the air' with influence from right inside their own community broadcasting to friends and family on one of these "extremely-local" radio stations. ("neighborhood/family/block/grove/orsmallvillage" station) These would operate at roughly the same range, scale and level of impact and reach that one can normally expect an AM station to have. Give or take a few inches. A newly redesigned, re-distributed, re-imagined commodity, given to The People. Even if it is only the commodity of presiding over the wee-smallest broadcast ranges to nowhere imaginable.

And yet….

When one envisions the potential to galvanize and inform the public in such a system, within very specific groups of listeners very thoroughly, one smiles contentedly. And, even better still, this information is delivered to the group through a trusted mouthpiece in our closest friends and neighbors. One need only plant the seed of information. It will spread. One could, for instance; semi-instantly suddenly realize, and, then almost just as immediately inform their "neighborhood" that everything they have ever read on picture perfect is a total batch of hysterical catshit. (Or terribly brilliant!) And they'd be absolutely right about it. (The former.) And thus the word will spread. Or would. If you had your own radio station.

Plus just think! For instance: just think… and ….enjoy the thought of the very very very many extra local bands we'll get to hear from and about if the sheer number of radio stations on the "air" and totally available to local bands suddenly expounds by factors of 10's and 27's virtually overnight!

"…up next: here we have my neighbors kids new band..,The, uh…, The Standing Monkey Jellyfish. in to, Uh, says here: "roc the bells" for us,..with a song they wrote for my daughter. great. "Hey guys! How ya doing'? come on in!"…etc…."

There's always a bright side.

For instance you just know some stone-cold freakaleeks out here in the 'merica are stone-cold guaranteed to leave their microphones up & full on broadcast while they hump hard next to it. Hard. Come on. That shit is inevitable.

Unlike the radio of the past, now nearly anyone who wishes it will have a station of their very own on the air of influence in absolutely no time at all and will become a part of the conversation before they even thought twice of anything worth saying once. But, by opening these connections & blurring the lines between "listening & broadcasting" : the two eventually become effectively one and the same idea, therefore the network will grow organically. Consciousness will grow exponentially. One way or another at every moment EVERYONE will be listening in, learning, contributing, creating, growing, understanding & broadcasting themselves humping to each other. Inside such a network humping information will travel practically instantly from mind to mind at INCREDIBLe SPEEDS!!! as if by…T-Mobile Sidekick and Television. As if by Blogosphere & Myspace.

Except in my scenario it would be traveling by actual amateur radio broadcasts. And that's Ol' Timey! Like democracy!