Archive for February, 2006

Celebrity Killing By Living

February 28, 2006

Don Knotts has got me thinking.
I notice quite a few of these really famous people have been passing away ever since I’ve been birthed back in the late 70’s. Bob Hope, Johnny Carson, Mother Theresa, Ol ‘ Blue Eyes, the list goes on…. Thankfully thus far nobody is putting two and two together and locking me up.

But whether or not I do get sent “up the river” for it all one of these days, two things are quite certain:

  1. Don Knotts is in heaven now. And,
  2. I wish him all the best.

Hopefully he is preparing a place beside his throne for me to sit and rub his thigh.


Don Knotts, 1924 – 2006 , R.I.P.


Knotts Going

February 25, 2006

The passing of Mr. Sir Don Knotts has been sadly marked. At 81 years of age the man in that photo has finally seen fit to take a vacation from earth.

I have questions.

  • Is it still okay to laugh at the work of funny people who get old and eventually die once they have gotten dreadfully old and then died?

I hope there are no moratoriums on that. I need me some George Burns now and then to take the edge off.

  • Is it okay that people die at all? Ever?

Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down. It’s bad enough the Lord makes us old, weak and horrible to try and hold conversations with. But to top it all off he decided he was “too busy” to indefinitely keep having to breath life into us. Thanks.

I guess when you’re God you can just do whatever you want.

(Note to self: Become God. Soon.)

Anyway I’m going to miss the idea of Don Knotts on earth. I don’t envy him the task of trying to make angels laugh in heaven without having his trademark face to work with.


Don Knotts, 1924 – 2006 , R.I.P.

Photo found at via Google Image Search

Produit Du Chili!

February 25, 2006

Kudos to Chile!
Your grapes are delicious this winter. It’s 2006 and damn well wintertime out here in the Midwest. But down (?) in Chile the sun is up and the grapes flow like wine after you drink it and pee it out. Not that I drink it. It’s disgusting. I will however eat your pee.

Okay yes.
Just joking.

That’s a horrible thing to make me do! Who knows where your pee has been, first of all. Second of all, in spite the sincerest efforts of a pee-drinking guy on the phone during a morning call-in talk radio show, I’m not even nearing slightly convinced that there are enough nutritional benefits to outweigh the sensational disgustingness of drinking my own pee, let alone yours.

Grapes, however, are incredible. I’m eating them now. Chile produces some of the best. I send my pleasure to the men, women and children of that fine sun soaked land of grapes and I welcome them into my home in the form of the grapes they send me with love. No doubt they’ve sent you some sunshine as well in the form of grapes to your grocer. So check the grocery. I bet I’m right as rain.

If not you can pee in my face.

On second thought, pee in your Grocer’s face. Failure to stock chilean green grapes during this morbid midwest winter? Unacceptable.

March Of The Money Bird

February 24, 2006

  • 3:33 PM today: Finished perusing two Bird Flu articles online.
  • Admit to have been looking to find something similar to what I found.
  • Also admit to being a rabid if highly unfocused & overwhelmingly lazy conspiracy theorist.

Concerning the "deadly" H5N1 Virus I have only very few ideas as to Who exactly is doing What and How, and so on. But everywhere I look I certainly think I see Them doing it.

During the day I listen to NPR. (National Public Radio here in the Gay Old United States of America.) They've been diligently updating me, and everyone else with a radio tuned in, on the horrible March Of The Deadly Bird Flu across isolated, unknowable Asia and ever closer to the golden, cowering West.

Perhaps I'm a fool in a haystack, but over the last few months said march has begun to seem less like a process of the natural world of bird disease and more like a well conducted financial orchestra.

I have never lived through the Bubonic Plague of Europe. Nor have I battled the Spanish Flu of 19whenever-it-was. So I'm speaking from a place of pure innocent intuition within my heart. I am no scientist. But I have watched "The Constant Gardener". And grown up learning which particular root is The Root. And from what I gather so far it's called M-O-N-E-Y, and the "tree" this root feeds is called "the Evil Tree". Whatever that is.

Are we not men?

As I lazily paw the dusty dirt of the fertile interweb I find firstly this from the CDC:

Four different influenza antiviral drugs (amantadine, rimantadine, oseltamivir, and zanamivir) are approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for the treatment of influenza……In the January 14, 2006 CDC Health Alert Notice (HAN), the CDC recommends that neither amantadine nor rimantadine be used for the treatment or prevention (prophylaxis) of influenza A in the United States for the remainder of the 2005-06 influenza season.

Leaving oseltamivir & zanamivir. Right?

Well at the bottom of 1Yahoo! Health Article was printed the following information:

Of the Four antiviral flu medications, zanamivir and oseltamivir are the most expensive.- Yahoo Health Encyclopedia


I don't know what that all means precisely, but I am now conpiratorationally content for the moment to have planted such a seed, dry and narrow as it is, in my own brain. My brain is tired. I have to go….and….rest… and save up some money…and then probably buy this crap with it.

Bird Kiss photo found at (via Google Image Search for "bird flu" . Hope that's alright.)