NEWSFLASH
Myspace has been a piece of shit all week
July 29 2006 – Internet, USA, Earth, Galaxy – It is being reported that all week long popular stalking site Myspace.com has been having technical difficulties due to things like being a piece of shit. Early this week there were reports from news outlets across the galaxy that the difficulties were due, first to power outages occurring in the meaningless country of California where Myspace headquarters are rumored to reside, and secondly to the merry migration of databases from server to server all around the Rupert Murdoch owned company’s space age tree-house in small vinyl pouches during lunch. However, this evening statements are being released to the media from a mole in the tubes of the internet that appear to contradict both prior claims. Indications from the source at this hour imply that the difficulty experienced this week by users of the popular erotic website are attributable to it being a piece of shit.
Users of the site this week have found themselves unable to successfully upload images, sign in, log out, edit profiles, view profiles, make comments, delete spam, send spam, friend request strangers, flame the bulletin board, change display names, reorganize their top friends, or listen to Black Armbands by Color Tv. Meanwhile users with artist accounts like Bloc Party have been stymied at every attempt to upload new songs they’ve written or pictures of themselves and their guitars taken in the bathroom mirror or with the timer on their camera in the basement.
At press time Myspace was unavailable for comment and had not returned our calls. It is believed by some to be busy painting it’s one giant toenail black and sitting in the broom closet with a bottle of Jack Daniels. But no one’s really entirely sure.
